Evidentia

Milla Jovovich

I confess I enjoy watching Milla Jovovich in those crazy Resident Evil movies – you know the ones with all the zombies coming out of the woodwork. Perhaps it is because she looks like one of my daughters… The films have always struck me as completely implausible – after all, how many 20-something young women with deep blue eyes are actually genetically modified heroines? And how many genetically modified young heroines actually go out and blast zombies returning from the dead?

“Resident Evil” zombies

But I realized suddenly the other day that my own city – Montreal – has been overrun with zombies. I am referring to the cyclists of this city. Environmentally-friendly and supposedly progressive politicians are intent on making Montreal the world capital of bicycles. Think of the much-vaunted Bixi programme, for example, the light-weight, attractively-designed aluminum bicycles you can rent from stations all over town. The Bixi concept is now spreading like a zombie invasion from Montreal to Vancouver, New York, Melbourne, London and I don’t know where else.

The Bixi concept is spreading like a zombie invasion

How cool, you may be saying.

The problem is, while so-called progressive politicians are promoting bicycles, nobody is willing to acknowledge publicly that Montreal has the world’s most reckless drivers on two wheels. In fact, as a pedestrian, I regularly place my life at risk: in the eyes of our cyclists, I am merely an obstacle to avoid, an abstraction, a nuisance – even when I am crossing the street on a green light, cyclists don’t understand how I could possibly have the right of way. It’s as if they are simply colour-blind, and I am the colour they are incapable of seeing.

Cyclists regularly speed through red lights, because they are too lazy to stop, wait for a green light, then start up again. They regularly abandon designated bike paths to ride up on sidewalks, knocking pedestrians down like so many bowling pins. And if they slow down for a pedestrian at all, it is to shout abuse at people like me, making our way on foot.

And yet, what could be as environmentally friendly as a pedestrian?

In its race to provide infrastructure for cyclists, City Hall has provided nothing for pedestrians. In fact, no “progressive” person in Montreal is willing to admit that cyclists are putting pedestrians at risk in our own city. I say we need Milla Jovovich to clean the zombies out of town. In the meantime, I am glad winter is coming, since it will bring a few metres of snow. With no bicycles around, the streets will finally be safer…

Finally ... some snow!