Evidentia

What if doctors lose it, altogether?

I have been to see the doctor a few times over the last few years, and believe me, it has been an eye-opening experience. I only go to see a doctor when I really need to, and I expect, or at least hope for, a decent physical exam, insight and experience based on years of practice and keeping up to date on new research, and appropriate advice.

But doctors sometimes give lousy advice, in a dismissive tone of voice, as if they really had better things to do.

Consider one doctor I consulted, ten years ago, an Eastern European: he told me the best cure for lower back pain was to spend two weeks in a spa-brothel in the Tatra mountains of Slovakia, having sex on all fours each day with a series of attractive young prostitutes. He also told me to drink a lot of wine… This was medical advice, from a member of the Quebec College of Physicians…

I do not think the problem of doctors “losing it” is peculiar to Montreal, or Quebec, or Canada. I think the problem is we put too much faith in the medical profession. Doctors often get rid of patients by giving them pills…

Just take a few pills...

But some doctors transmit their own stress to their patients. One dermatologist looked at me in a frazzled sort of way, and asked whether I still had cancer, even before looking at my file. “But I have never had cancer,” I said: “what are you talking about?” She was obviously close to burnout, or something. She frenetically told me she would only examine me in a closet, since all the patients in the waiting room were spying on her - she then spent 25 minutes telling me how horrible her father and older brother were. Fortunately, a light bulb was hanging from the ceiling - otherwise how could she examine me? - but I found it uncomfortable squeezing into the closet with all that bulky medical equipment in storage. The dermatologist’s parting words to me? “You don’t have cancer - don’t ever come back to see me!”

On the other hand, it is true that I have run into some fine doctors from time to time. But considering how crazy some doctors are, I have come to the conclusion that for general (not fatal) complaints, the patient knows best.

God save us from doctors