Evidentia

We are in the midst of an election campaign in Montreal, and while the newspapers are full of revelations of corruption in practically every political party, I would like to make a modest election proposal of my own, and mention an environmentally-friendly idea which has turned into a public safety nightmare.

Montreal is considered one of North America’s top cities for bicycling. There are currently 500 kilometres of bicycle paths, and new paths are constantly being paved. Not only that, but between April and November, 300 self-service Bixi stations offer 5,000 bicycles for rent. The idea originally came from Paris, but Montreal’s Bixi concept has been so successful, that 7-speed Bixi bicycles have been introduced.

Montrealers can rent 5000 Bixi bicycles at 300 self-serve stations

All of this is accompanied by an extremely naïve publicity campaign, extolling the merits of cycling in the city, since bicycles, we are told, are environmentally-friendly and a great way to beat the traffic – and besides, they keep cyclists in wonderful physical shape.

The only problem is, the way bicycles are driven in Montreal, they are not people-friendly, they are a great way to create traffic problems, and they are a public menace for pedestrians.

This intoxicating new freedom for cyclists has turned into a tyranny oppressing pedestrians. I realize the current pro-bicycle campaign has been developed with the best of intentions. Cyclists are warned to be courteous when driving, since bicycles (and not just cars, buses and trucks) are wheeled vehicles.

I wonder whether cyclists speeding in the night without lights expect pedestrians to wear night vision goggles

That warning about courtesy hasn’t made a difference, however. Adult cyclists in Montreal, the wind ripping through their hair (bicycle helmets are not yet mandatory in Quebec), drive with as much insouciance as little children, splashing through mud puddles on the way home from school. Montreal cyclists have not made the cultural leap from enjoying the right to ride where they want, to actually having responsibilities towards other people. The result is: chaos for pedestrians.

You see, I am a pedestrian, not a cyclist. I love walking everywhere I can in Montreal, and some days, winter or summer, I walk 20 kilometres. Of course, living close to Mount Royal helps, since this urban park is one of the most beautiful in North America.

At least 20 times a year, however, I come within half a metre of getting run over by a cyclist. I have to look both ways before crossing a street, and then look again, since cyclists often weave around (or play hide-and-seek between) parked cars, riding onto and off sidewalks at will.

Montreal cyclists have developed a contemptuous attitude towards people on foot. They regularly zoom along sidewalks, treating pedestrians like so many bowling pins to knock over; they zoom along streets in the dark expecting pedestrians to have night vision goggles; they consider one-way streets as an invitation to travel against the traffic; they frequently go straight through red lights; and they shout abuse at pedestrians and give you the finger as they speed by, as if streets were made for bicycles, not people on foot.

I propose that all Montreal pedestrians wear Prussian spiked helmets, in order to protect themselves from cyclists

My modest contribution to Montreal’s election campaign is that all Montreal pedestrians be required to wear helmets when they go outside and walk. Not just any helmet – but a Prussian spiked helmet, or Pickelhaube, which can be used in self-defence, by lowering the head, something like the rhinoceros of Africa. Instead of bearing the imperial eagle of the Prussian Army, however, I propose that the helmets feature a goose, which is an appropriate symbol for Montreal pedestrians. This is the only way we pedestrians can defend ourselves, whenever we walk to work, go out a moment to post a letter, do our shopping at the local grocery store, or stroll arm in arm with our true loves.